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"There are only so many times I can say sorry and still mean it."
"I don't know how much longer I can complain."
"Note to self : Stop Doing Anything"
"Internet? Is that thing still around?"
"They have the internet on computers, now !?!"
"Liquor drunkens me."
"Ooh! Sensory Depravation kicks ass!"
"I'm a rageaholic. I just can't live without rageahol."
"Mad Magazine!?! But that's our nation's largest Mental Health Theme magazine!"
"To alcohol, the cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems!"
"Good things don't end with 'eum'. They end with 'mania' ... or 'tarium'."
"Without TV, it's hard to know when one day ends and another begins."
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
"God, you're everywhere. You're omnivorous."
"Oh, save me Jebus!"
"God help me, I'm just not that bright."
"Jesus, Allah, Buddha,
"I know I'm not usually a praying man, but if you're up there, please Superman, help me!"
You might be a conservative if ...
"I pledge impertinence
to the flag-waving, of the unindicted co-conspirators of America, and to the republicans for which I can't stand, one abomination, under-handed, fraud, indefensible, with Liberty and Justice ... ... forget it." (Life In Hell)
"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills.
Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around."
"One size fits all, my butt!"
"Awh! I'm being erased!"
"I've misplaced my pants."
"Marge, it takes two to lie;
"Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirt.
I'm not popular enough to be different."
As the weeks went on,
so did the cartoon.
"Is it Bacon Day?"
"Marge, if you're going to get mad everytime I do something stupid,
then I guess I just have to stop doing stupid things!"
|"Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is just a dollar away."
|"Hello, this is Homer Simpson aka Happy Dude! The court has ordered me to call every person in town to apologize for my telemarketing scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to : Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power!|
When I was seventeen
Around the house, I never lift a finger!
Homer remembers some important things etched into his palm :|
Simpson, Homer Simpson!