• I will not flush evidence.
• I will not carve gods.
• I will not spank others.
• I will not aim for the head.
• I will not barf unless I'm sick.
• I will not do the dirty bird.
• I will not scream for icecream.
• I will not snap bras.
• I will not spin the turtle.
• I will not fake seizures.
• I will not defame New Orleans.
• I will not prescribe medication.
• I will not bury the new kid.
• I will not teach others to fly.
• I will not bring sheep to class.
• I will not eat things for money.
• I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
• I will not call the principal "spud head".
• I will not sell miracle cures.
• I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
• I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
• I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
• I will not waste chalk.
• I will not skateboard in the halls.
• I will not instigate revolution.
• I will not draw naked ladies in class.
• I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
• I will not encourage others to fly.
• I will not fake my way through life.
• I will not trade pants with others.
• I will not do that thing with my tongue.
• I will not drive the principal's car.
• I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
• I will not sell school property.
• I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
• I will not burp in class.
• I will not get very far with this attitude.
• I will not belch the National Anthem.
• I will not sell land in Florida.
• I will not grease the monkey bars.
• I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
• I will not do anything bad ever again.
• I will not show off.
• I will not sleep through my education.
• I will not Xerox my butt.
• I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
• I will not torment the emotionally frail.
• I will not hide teacher's medication.
• I will not squeak chalk.
• I will not "let the dogs out".
• I will not scare the Vice President.
• I will not conduct my own fire drills.
• I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
• I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
• I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
• I will not send lard through the mail.
• I will not use abbrev.
• I will not tease Fatty.
• I will not dissect things unless instructed.
• I will not hang donuts on my person.
• I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
• I will not strut around like I own the place.
• I will not make flatulent noises in class.
• I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
• I will not defame New Orleans only in Canada.
• I will not hide the teacher's Prozac.
• I will not demand what I'm worth.
• I will not mess with the opening credits.
• I will not file frivolous lawsuits.
• I will not bite the hand that feeds me butterfingers.
• I will not re-transmit without the express
  premission of Major League Baseball.
• I will not plant subliminal messagores.
• I will not cut corners.
  " " " " "
  " " " " "
  " " " " "
• I cannot absolve sins.
• I will never win an emmy.
• I will finish what I sta
• I will return the seeing-eye dog.
• I will give urine sample only when asked.
• I will remember to take my medication.
• I will only do this once a year.
• I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
• I no longer want my MTV.
• I'm so very tired.
• I was not the sixth Beatle.
• I was not told to do this.
• I was not the first Roman Emperor named 'Fartacus'.
• I was not the inspiration for 'Kramer'.
• I am not a 32-year-old woman.
• I am not a dentist.
• I am not the new Dalai Lama.
• I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
• I am not a licensed hair stylist.
• I am not a licensed therapist.
• I am not licensed to do anything.
• I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
• I am not deliciously saucy.
• I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr..
• I am not certified to remove asbestos.
• I am not my long-lost twin.
• I am not Charlie Brown on acid.
• I do not see dead people.
• I do not have diplomatic immunity.
• I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
• I did not see Elvis.
• I did not invent Irish dancing.
• I did not learn everything I need to know in life from kindergarten.
• I was not told to do this.
• I should not have been twenty one today.
• I saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge.
• I have neither been there nor done that.
• Making Milhouse cry is not a Science project.
• My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
• My name is not Dr. Death.
• My butt does not deserve a website.
• My mother is not dating Jerry Seinfeld.
• This is not a clue ... or is it?
• It does not suck to be you.
• Genetics is not an excuse.
• Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
• The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
• There are plenty of businesses like show business.
• Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
• Garlic gum is not funny.
• They are laughing at me, not with me.
• Tar is not a plaything.
• It's potato, not potatoe.
• Spitwads are not free speech.
• Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
• Nobody is interested to read my sci
• High explosives and school don't mix.
• "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
• Underwear should be worn on the inside.
• The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
• 'Temptation Island' is not a sleazy piece of crap.
• No one cares what the definition of 'is' is.
• Silly string is not a nasal spray.
• Funny noises are not funny.
• This punishment is not boring and pointless.
• The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
• Science class should not end in tragedy.
• Goldfish don't bounce.
• Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
• No one is interested in my underpants.
• The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
• All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
• The nurse is not dealing.
• A belch is not an oral report.
• A burp is not an answer.
• Teacher is not a leper.
• Coffee is not for kids.
• Fire is not the cleanser.
• Sherri does not 'get back'.
• Hillbillies are people too.
• A burp in a jar is not a science project.
• There was no Roman god named 'Farticus'.
• Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related.
• Shooting paintballs is not an art form.
• Pain is not the cleanser.
• The hamster did not "have a full life".
• The first amendment does not cover burping.
• Loose teeth don't need my help.
• Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
• Hamsters cannot fly.
• "The President did it" is not an excuse.
• Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.
• No one wants to hear my armpits.
• No one wants to hear about my sciatica.
• Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
• The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
• Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
• Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
• Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
• "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
• The boys room is not a water park.
• Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
• A fire drill does not demand a fire.
• Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story.
• Nerve gas is not a toy.
• Grammar is not a time of waste.
• The truth is not out there.
• "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
• The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
• butt.com is not an email address.
• butt.butt is not my E-mail adress.
• A trained ape could not teach gym.
• I have neither been there nor done that.
• The giving tree is not a chump.
• Vampire is not a career.

• NO BODY READS THESE ANYMORE.

• I will never lie about being cancelled again.

• "Girls are easy.
  State capitals are hard."

• I will not do Math in class. ( Lisa's punishment ).

Bart Simpson

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